Is signed (2024) Photography by Lídia Vives

I've always been fascinated by phobias. Not just fears, but phobias—an irrational terror towards something. Usually, there's a backstory, a trigger that explains why it developed.

In my case, my phobia is called thalassophobia: a fear of the sea. But, as I've mentioned, phobias aren't something you're born with; they appear over time.

When I was a child, my favorite movie was Disney's The Little Mermaid. I loved the idea of being a mermaid. In fact, I used to spend summers at my grandparents' beach apartment, and if I wasn't in the sea, I was in the pool.

One day, while watching TV, I switched channels and stumbled upon a movie called Deep Blue Sea. I vaguely remember it being about smart sharks, though I'm not entirely sure... I just know it was about sharks. And, as these movies tend to go, there was the typical scene with the shark's open mouth taking up the entire screen as if it were about to devour me. It terrified me.

As if that wasn’t enough, sometime later my parents bought me a video game. At one point in the game, you’re on a submarine, and through the porthole, you can see a creature called the Portuguese shark. I’ve only seen that animal in the game—I don’t even know what it looks like in real life... and I really don’t want to find out.

For many years, I couldn’t even look at fish in photographs or images of the ocean floor. I also stopped going to the beach altogether.

It's funny because before all of this happened, I not only liked the sea, but I even had a pet fish named López. Poor thing died of overfeeding.

When I think about the sea and what scares me, my mind often goes to the deep ocean. For example, that fish with the built-in lantern on its head. It could’ve been a stroke of genius—think about it, a fish with its own light! That’s pretty clever, right? But its appearance is terrifying. It’s like an evolutionary mistake.

A few days ago, after a long time, I went back to the beach and even ventured into the sea. I submerged myself and waited a while before coming up for air, just to see if I could do it. Sometimes, I like testing myself like that... I like knowing that I can choose when to conquer my fears. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not going scuba diving anytime soon. But at least now I know I’m strong enough to go to the beach and even enjoy it. To me, there’s nothing more powerful than that.

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