Emotional paralysis (2021) 绘画 由 Sofia Teo

“Look under her shin. No, look even through. She is bare nerve. She might be strong, she might be sexy, attractive, inspiring. You might want to touch her, have her, control her... Probably you even want to close her from the whole world. You wanna own her, eat her. You even trying to play your little stupid games.

But look through her shin. Forget about beautiful face and soft body. She’s letting you dictate and manipulate, but she’s paralyzed.
Her throat is blocked with your loins, cause you won’t let her speak. And she accepts. Her womb is dry and pulsating, because you care only about your rules. And she’s afraid to change it. Her legs are stoned and hands are crucified on a pillar of your impiety. This scars on her breast are from your nasty beard on other women’s bodies. She never screams, her lips look juicy... But she’s stuck.

You feel it, but keep doing your dirty things, because your greed is bigger than love. But still, she’s magnetic”.

I wanted to paint woman’s body for some time already. I did a scathing some time ago and then I didn’t touch it. Didn’t feel like painting. Then I meditate and just picked a color. It was like a trance. I didn’t think, I gave all of myself to the process.

As a remark, I wanna say that the past 3 months were really hard and very transforming for me. My boyfriend went in some troubles and it’s the longest time we’ve been apart. So I needed to learn again how to manage everything: from daily payments to coming back to my inner self. And if not art, I don’t know how would I be. I started organizing art therapies for women; when I felt depressed I was painting with my hands. I was learning how to work with my emotions and feelings. So art became my lifebuoy. As a way of making money, as a painkiller, as a supporting friend. It became a tool of releasing my sexual energy and of coming back to myself again, learning my inner self.

So when I’ve finished this art piece.... I’ve realized that this is about me before transformation, before this life changing experience. I am different now, but I could not realize it if I don’t let it all out fully, till the last drop. My energy was stuck. I had a lot of blocks, fears and uncertainty. Pa-ra-lysed. I started my own healing process. It awakened me: “Hey, Sofia! Time to grow!”

So this woman is me in the past. And I thank her for being me and for bringing so many lessons into my life. I thank her, but I don’t need her to be inside of me anymore. She is weird, colorful, bared brilliant soul. I’ve got my lessons and I’m moving forward.

I’ve changed. I grew up. I’m stronger, more wisdom, brave, loving myself more. I am more Woman. I know that I will be doing amazing and I want to share my love and light with people. Because if I healed myself, everyone can do too.
I’m also ready to give a chance for myself and my man to lear how to love together.

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EmotionsFeelingsWomanBodyEnergy