Kinga Ogiegło

Codependency and art creation

 When I think of love songs in the charts, most of the songs I recall consider the subject of unhappy love- painful, longing for connection, the lack of if or when you are in the relationship, the miscommunications and mishaps in relationships. We need love and we need other people- we want to bond. But what if there is too much of Weeness and too little of Me and You? And how does this relate to creating art?

And here comes the topic of codependency. Codependents put so much emphasis on helping another person because they have an insatiable desire to feel needed- the joy and a quick dose of good feeling when you’ve helped someone is addictive. 

Codependency stems from living with the abusive family member and this behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior. Feeling an endless obligation to take care of the addict for fear of what would happen if they don’t.

With no one there to serve, codependents begin to feel empty as if a part of them has been taken away. They often mistake the other person’s dependence on them as a committed, loving relationship.

I feel responsible for your depression and anger.

I love you therefore I’m going to help you solve your problems.

I will be with you all the time because without me you feel too empty even though I have other things do and dreams and goals to realize.

I will skip the gym to meet you and answer you’re every phone call because your needs go first.

I will give you advice although you didn’t ask me for it.

Picasso

These types of behavior are doing more harm in the long run. Because why would someone change and learn to be self-sufficient when you’re solving all his problems? Codependents feel responsible for the actions of the other person. Honoring the first impulse to rescue or give leads to making offers you later regret. Helping someone is ok when you are able to set clear and firm personal boundaries that preserve your unique character and habits. Empathy for someone is good and giving helpful, supportive advice when asked is what a good friend should do. 

So the gist of this article in relation to art creation can be that you are not going to make a lot of art if you are codependent. Because your needs, fulfilling your goals is always secondary. Creating art is such an intimate and unique expression of someone that addicts will sabotage. They cannot understand that someone can have their own interest, secrets and they view this as a danger to the dynamic of the  ‘relationship’ .

The control is on both sides- the addicts wants to control the codependent and vice versa.

And making art is a total release of control.

And in the case when a codependent is making art-often angry, dark, sad, depressive in nature, and actually taking time for themselves, they are going to sabotage other aspects of their career such as actually looking after your art business, creating a full inventory of your portfolio, managing your content or PR. Instead, they will do small deeds for other people, look after their emotional health, gossiping about other people’s problems therefore fulfilling that insatiable desire to feel needed and stay codependent. 

I wish more people would express themselves- in music, on canvas, writing. My friend’s aunt wanted to reactivate her oil painting skills at 71, but she believed to be too old and not deserving enough to feel that joy and happiness when creating art. 

I believe it is never too late. 

Ask yourself, are your relationships fair? Or do they cost you too much? So much I cannot afford a canvas, a brush and paint?

Listen to Art Demystified podcast on my website