"A mustached woman has always been popular."

The ancient italian proverb "A mustached woman has always been popular," originally perhaps more as "A PAUNCHY woman has always been popular," gives us an idea of the popularity of the mustache, even among representatives of the fairer sex. Setting aside for a moment women with mustaches or facial hair, and the related debate about their erotic appeal, it is worth highlighting in the male counterpart the ancient custom of emphasizing facial hair, which may even date back to the Stone Age when, effectively, the most evolved monkey specimens had cutting tools at their disposal. Leaving aside the discussion about the evolution of the mustache in history, subject to multiple trends and religious interpretations, we want to focus on the most famous masterpieces in art history that have immortalized it. This intention will bring us back to the beloved and long-awaited bearded women, but also to the artists and subjects with such facial hair, as well as "defaced" paintings, human cases of every taste and gender, and horror film stories. Here's the top 10!

Top 10!

Salvador Dalí, Soft Self-Portrait with Fried Bacon, 1941.

1.Salvador Dalí: Soft Self-Portrait with Fried Bacon (1941)

Let's start with the most iconic mustache in art history, surely personified in the surreal figure of Salvador Dali, author of Soft self portrait with fried bacon, in which the painter has portrayed himself precisely with his most typical facial hair curled and neatly trimmed, perhaps alluding to a parallel reality in which gravity does not push down body hair. The existence of the fixative gel aside, the masterpiece in question depicts Dali as an ironic specter with an amorphous and perhaps dying face, who, supported by crutches, rests on a pedestal bearing the inscription of the work's title, and presents on its surface a slice of fried bacon, alluding to the master's daily breakfast menu. Regarding the aforementioned irony, his funny identity is revealed to us precisely by the presence of those cute upward-facing mustaches, which, similar to antennae ready to perceive surreality everywhere, fix his presence in the viewer's mind. In any case, the lightheartedness in question fades into the background when we notice that the painter's eyes have not been painted over, but that they house, in their hollows, some ants climbing in them, intended to symbolize a sadder intepretation of the work, inexorably linked to decadence, caducity of being and weakness.

Marcel Duchamp, L.H.O.O.Q., 1919. Ready-made. Private collection, New York.

2.Marcel Duchamp: L.H.O.O.Q (1919)

When I mentioned above the topic of "disfigured" masterpieces, I literally imagined Duchamp, bursting into the Louvre at night, to daub the Mona Lisa, giving birth to L.H.O.O.Q., actually his distinct rectified ready-made, aimed at confirming, once again, the timeless appeal of women with mustaches. In fact, the desecrating and ironic work towards the world's most famous painting depicts an unprecedented version of the Mona Lisa, which, manipulated, now appears to us with exuberant mustache and goatee. Such irony does not end in the aforementioned revision of the character, but also in the very title of the French master's work, to be read as a pun in full Dadaist spirit. In fact, L.H.O.O.Q., when pronounced in French, sounds like "Elle a chaud au cul," a phrase that would make us revise the figure of the effigy, now to be understood as an insatiable prostitute with a strong sexual appetite. Precisely through this provocation, Duchamp wanted to awaken the consciences of the viewers, who are often enchanted and inebriated before masterpieces, which they worship indiscriminately.

Frida Kahlo, Self-Portrait with Thorn Necklace and Hummingbird, 1940. Oil on canvas on masonite. Harry Ransom Center, Austin, Texas, Austin.

3.Frida Kahlo: Self-Portrait with Thorn Necklace and Hummingbird (1940)

So, I feel so sorry for Duchamp, but the most famous moustachioed woman in the history of art still remains Frida Kahlo, whose famous facial hair, which commingled with her equally well-known unibrow, was immortalized in the most coveted portrait by all the beauticians in the world, who have been ready for years now, with metal tweezers in hand, to remove every single hair, pulling it out one by one with great satisfaction. But at that point, we will all be somewhat disappointed, for Kahlo's mustache, as in the case of Dali, also helped to make the artist himself. Coming to the description of the masterpiece in question, this one does not come across as ironic as my text, as it is full of painful symbolic meanings, intended to go beyond a realistic narrative to express the feelings of the artist, who, like a black, lifeless bird, had to spend part of her life suffering from the consequences caused by the bus accident that turned her life upside down at the age of eighteen. Just from this fateful moment onward, the artist had to undergo some thirty-five surgical procedures, the scars of which, painful as thorns, did their best to repair her body. However, hope never had to abandon the painter, who, in spite of the dramatic vicissitudes of her life, portrayed herself against the backdrop of a lush natural landscape, marked by the presence of large leaves, which are evident behind her figure.

Amedeo Modigliani: Portrait of Paul Guillaume, Novo Pilota (1915). Oil on canvas, 105×75 cm. Musée de l'Orangerie, Paris.

4.Amedeo Modigliani: Portrait of Paul Guillaume, Novo Pilota (1915)

Modigliani cannot personally make part of our narrative, because in the photos and paintings depicting him he always appears as smooth as the skin of a child full of ointments, ready, like a good Italian, to make all the women of Montparnasse talk about him. The dogged interpreter of unruly genius, however, realized the mustached painting of Paul Guillaume, a gallery owner and art dealer in business and friendship with the painter from Livorno. Speaking of Guillaume's portrait, it is important to emphasize how it is part of a series of three of the same subject, although we will limit ourselves to describing the specimen in the Musée de l'Orangerie (Paris). The latter, dated 1915, was made at the home of Beatrice Hasting, precisely on Rue Norvins (Paris), a place where Emile Zola had also lived. Speaking of style, however, the Italian's work presents, in the angular face of the effigy, definite cubist influences, ready to shape a character, who finds space in front of an upright piano, intended to break contact with the background of the composition. The work turns out to be somewhat celebratory, as Guillaume's surname, written in capital letters, is manifested in the upper left of the support, accompanied, in the lower left, by the painting's title.

Edvard Munch, Self-Portrait with Skeleton Arm, 1895. Lithography.

5.Edvard Munch: Self-Portrait with Skeleton Arm (1895)

The mustaches in Self portrait with skeleton arm are somewhat hinted at, light, subtle, wavy, sometimes sparse, although, within the portraiture repertoire, both photographic and pictorial, aimed at depicting the Norwegian master, they turn out to be a rather constant presence, as well as thick, defined, and thick on the artist's face. In the particular case of the work in question, however, they become part of a rather macabre context, for although the painter was only thirty-one years old at the time, he portrayed himself as a ghostly figure, made explicit by the presence of a number of bones, which, presenting themselves in the lower part of the lithograph, function in the manner of a reminder of death. These human remains find their chromatic and arrangement counterpart in the upper part of the image, ready to accommodate the artist's name and date, which evoke, when interpreted in an overall view, the image of a cold tombstone. Finally, this sad tale could be summed up, as well as find its ultimate explication, in the words of the painter himself, who revealed, "Sickness, madness and death were the dark angels that guarded my cradle and followed me all my life."

Portrait of Vlad Hagyak III, circa 1560. Ambras Castle in Innsbruck, Austria.

6.Portrait of Vlad Hagyak III, circa 1560

So, do you remember the introduction of the top 10? Okay, whatever your answer is I'll remind you.... I had explicitly talked about horror movie stories, which, in this case, go from books to pictorial medium, as it happens in regard to the Dracula tale. How, did you not know that Count Dracula had a moustache, even a big one I dare say, just as is evident from the painting depicting him dated about 1560, which, by an unknown author, is kept at Ambras Castle (Innsbruck). The latter is said to be a copy of a legendary original, made at the time when the Romanian nobleman, soldier and politician, born in 1431, was alive, a time frame in which he distinguished himself as a bloodthirsty ruler, a ruthless man to such an extent that he was nicknamed the Impaler, as he used to kill his bitterest enemies by means of this cruel practice. All right, but from here to sucking blood there is a big difference! Well, the best-known Dracula is the product of the pen of Bram Stoker, a writer who was inspired by the above-described figure to bring to life the popular Count Dracula, vampire of Transylvania. Having reached this point, I ask you a rhetorical question: would you hang the painting in question in your home, or would you be afraid of being robbed of your own blood?

Portrait of Van Beck by an Unknown Painter.

7.Portrait of Van Beck by an Unknown Painter

Returning for the second time to the introduction, I had also anticipated the fact that I would show you human cases, that is, "exaggerations," in this case of the aforementioned saying: "A mustached woman has always been popular"! Indeed, if women with moustaches are liked a lot, then perhaps the real heartbreakers are those hairy as monkeys, just as the immortal notoriety of the subject of the painting in question, Barbara van Beck (1629-1668), proved. The latter "special girl" was in fact highly prized in her time, so much so that she became an entrepreneur and celebrity, certainly because of the fascination rendered to her by her condition of hypertrichosis, also called Ambras syndrome. To be further clear, the latter refers to those people characterized by excess hair from birth, a very rare disease without geographic, ethnic or sexual predilection, of which about 40 cases have been reported worldwide. Returning to the subject of Barbara, she was born in Augusta, where her parents, from an early age, not only educated the girl but also performed her in shows. Now, however, comes all the confirmation to my theses: in your opinion, could Barbara, so hairy, have remained an old maid? Absolutely not! Who grabbed the dainty youngster was Johan Michael van Beck, a man who also married her with the intention of traveling to perform her in some shows. Are you sure your wife does not shave?

Ana Mendieta in Untitled (Glass on Body Imprints—face) from 1972.

8.Ana Mendieta: Untitled (Facial Hair Transplants) (1972/1997)

Further confirmation on the fascination and popularity of mustachioed women, sometimes bearded or all hairy, also comes from contemporary art, personified in the figure of Ana Mendieta, a Havana-born performance artist, who, in Facial Hair Transplants, documented the collection, assembly and self-application of real beard hairs, which were fixed in the eternal narrative of art history, through photographic support. Practically, the artist, by making shots in which he had the aforementioned hairs affixed to his face, in addition to mutating his own body, activated a cultural conception of the latter, ready to reveal how sexual classifications are in effect social conventions, aimed at framing and overdetermining sexualities. As a result, through the explication of mutant sexual identification, Mendieta problematized such classifications, even disrupting the canons of beauty by which society operates, differentiating between female and male. Further purpose of this performance was to alter gender, changing the body without fear and prejudice, to also demonstrate the power inherent in hair: that of being able to change the perception of the reality of things.

Frans Hals, Banquet of the Officers of the Calivermen Civic Guard, Haarlem (1627).

9.Cornelis van Haarlem: Banquet of the Officers and Subalterns of the Haarlem Calivermen Civic Guard (1599)

What if we imagined a beautiful moustache pile-up? So many figures with mustaches and goatees together, gathered around a laid table, distracted however to watch the display of the world's hairiest woman, their undisputed love goddess? Okay, take out the part about the undisputed love goddess, because the gathering in question, within the long narrative of art history, does indeed exist, but it is all attended by men, to be precise the officers and sub-alterns in Cornelis van Haarlem's painting titled Banquet of the officers and sub-alterns of the Haarlem Calivermen Civic Guard! The latter produced two such examples, the first in 1583 and the second, the subject of our attention, in 1599. Both paintings gained recognition for their lively depiction of the subjects, whom Cornelis, as a member of the same company, namely the Haarlem company, knew well in their most characteristic joie de vivre. Finally, let us swear to curiosities: in the 1583 specimen the artist depicts himself, painting himself in the individual with hat on the upper left, while, next to him, presence his master: Pieter Pietersz!

Albrecht Dürer, Self-Portrait with Fur, 1500. Oil on panel, 67.1 cm × 48.9 cm. Alte Pinakothek, Munich.

10.Albrecht Dürer: Self-Portrait with Fur (1500)

The moustache in question was chosen because, although it rests on the face of a layman, it alludes to that of a deity, since the Nuremberg master, for the composition of the masterpiece, drew inspiration from the iconographic model of Antonello da Messina's Salvator mundi, from which he took the sacred frontal position of the effigy, as well as its framing. It is important to emphasize that this decision was made with full knowledge of the facts by the artist, who absolutely wanted to attribute to his image the status of an artist-intellectual, volorizing his work and that of other painters contemporary with him. In fact, it was from about the year of the making of the Self-Portrait with Fur that painters became cultural protagonists in the life of their time, whereas, in the Middle Ages, the distinction between painter and craftsman had not yet been so well defined. It was even earlier, that is, in the fifteenth century, that, thanks to Leon Battista Alberti, Architecture, Sculpture and Painting were recognized as major arts, although it was not until Michelangelo that the figure of the artist freed from the client was formalized. Instead, Leonardo da Vinci is credited with embodying one of the first masters aware of his intellectual status. Consequently, our top ten concludes, after the human and horror cases, with rather unexpected allusions to the divine, aimed at elevating the pictorial instrument in question to omnipotence.