The Way of a Personality (2022) Schilderij door Anna Kavana

I'm not much for complicated metaphors, but I like to visualize things that don't seem quite obvious. Right now I'm going through several stages of growing up the "express" method due to moving to another country, divorce, and quitting drugs. Today is exactly one year since I haven't used anything heavier than wine, but it has lost all meaning for me as well.

I have to admit that I still periodically want to disconnect from reality, indulge in fantasies, stop worrying about the future, regret the past, and avoid the present. I know that the way of existence that I have chosen for the last ten years leads only one way. And I tell myself every time, "find the strength to change at least a small part of it today."

My grandfather died of alcoholism and pneumonia a couple of years ago. And my grandmother spent the last years of her life in bed with severe varicose veins. They were unwilling to get treatment, deliberately choosing the path of self-destruction.

Four years ago, my father disappeared, left a note and never returned.

My mom refuses to follow doctor's orders, lives her children's lives, preventing them from growing up and has started drinking for the last couple of years.

This systemic rejection of life on both sides of my relatives scares the crap out of me, and I feel it more than ever, even though my conscious part has long noticed it.

Going back to the painting, I tried to portray my vision of one of the reasons why we give up on life and drag our children and parents down with us, curtailing the lineage into one empty dead spot.

When we are born, we already have a path to follow, talents to discover and an awareness of ourselves. Unfortunately, the state and those focused on the accumulation of resources do not benefit from the control of free, creative and open personalities, so for centuries more and more elaborate ways have been invented to control and suppress the very fire that burns the holistic and happy personality.

War, drugs, fast carbs, poverty, shopping, alcohol, tobacco, pharma... Yes, we are free to choose. But is it possible to choose light, being born and living all your life in darkness?

The circle is like the original simple form, requiring no refinement except for sealing and strengthening. The triangle - as what society makes of us. The final circle is the formed personality, with no voids, compacted enough to withstand the changes of the world that are just coming.

Separately, I focus on the path to the last form, which seems complicated, confusing, but no less interesting, for it is the path that is most of our lives (I think so). And sometimes you have to disintegrate, take yourself apart, forget who-you-are in order to start all over again. I guess I'm somewhere in the beginning of this fun colored thing right now. Either way, we already have the strength in us to make it all the way to the end. For me personally, it's also a visualization of a kind of hope.

Where are you now?

Verwante thema's

MinimalismMinimalisticGeometryCirclePsychology